How To Help Victims Of Domestic Violence And Abuse By Daniel Keeran, MSW College of Mental Health Counseling Domestic violence is a major problem resulting in family and marriage breakdown, bullying, depression, homicide, suicide, addiction, homelessness, criminality and mental distress leading to cycles of abuse for the adult children of family violence. This report from the College of Mental Health Counseling is prepared for concerned friends, family members, and counselors, as well as victims and survivors of domestic violence who want to make healthy choices for themselves and their children. Please share this report freely with clients, friends, and family members who may be experiencing domestic abuse. For deeper understanding of how abuse and loss of caring in the family can affect adult life and relationships, see "Effective Counseling Skills" by Daniel Keeran, MSW, in digital and hard copy at https://www.amazon.ca/Effective-Counseling-Skills-therapeutic-statements/dp/1442177993 What Is Domestic Violence? Domestic abuse occurs when physical or verbal behaviour causes physical or emotional pain or harm to others. Physical abuse often begins with verbal abuse such as chronic hostility, name-calling, threats, sarcastic put downs, or judgmental terms. Sometimes after episodes of violence, the abuser will express remorse and make promises to stop the abuse, only to repeat the abusive behavior. What Are Some Causes Of Domestic Violence? Men who abuse women are most often sociopathic personalities, or they believe women must be subordinated by physical discipline. Adult males may have observed abuse in childhood or may have been taught to use physical discipline in marriage, sometimes through religious teaching that women must be physically disciplined in order for them to be obedient to the husband. The use of alcohol may precede episodes of abuse. The abusive man is sometimes jealous and often aggressive, threatening, and controlling. He struggles with feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, and insecurity. His use of violence may be evidence of low self-confidence and a sense of powerlessness. The abusive male believes physical violence or punishment is the solution to problems. The female victim is often overly passive and dependent and lacks a sense of self-worth. Less often, the woman is very aggressive, resulting in a mutually aggressive or violent relationship.
What Is The Affect Of Violence On Children? The cycle of abuse is continued when male children who observe abuse grow up to either abuse women or to become overly passive as a reaction against violent anger. Females who witness their mothers as abuse victims, may passively allow themselves to be abused, or they may become aggressive in their way of relating to men. Generally speaking, males who observed abuse in childhood are as adults attracted to passive- dependent women. Dependent women with abusive fathers are attracted to abusive men because of an unconscious desire to change them into the caring father they wished they had. This form of repetition compulsion results in depression and hopelessness in adult life and relationships. How Can Family Violence Be Reduced? Public education can include training children to reject physical means and vengeance to settle family