The thesis statement contains several errors that Professor Jocelyn would likely advise improving. Firstly, the statement is too long and convoluted, making it difficult to understand the main argument. Additionally, the use of "reminds me" is too informal for an academic thesis statement. The inclusion of "the following aspects" is unnecessary and could be more clearly stated. The phrase "broken family relationships and a lower standard of living" is vague and could be more specific. Finally, the use of "because the residents no longer had access to basic amenities" is repetitive and could be integrated more smoothly into the argument.